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Dating Adventures to Dream Relationships

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Highly recommended reading for anyone who has any kind of issues in their relationship (i.e. everyone!)

More from Harriet Lerner at Amazon.com

This woman is amazing! She knows what she is talking about. Check out her books and audios.

More from Harriet Lerner at Amazon.co.uk

How Can You Make Your Relationship Normal Again?

When the Cracks Appear In Your Relationship
Its No Longer Fun

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Have you noticed cracks appearing in your relationship lately? When you first met it seemed so perfect but somewhere along the way the niggles set in. You may not have noticed them at first but now you are wondering what to do to get things back on track. When a relationship stops being fun, here's what you need to know to put things right again.

A relationship starts with 2 independent, self sufficient people coming together as a couple. As time goes by, however, some of this independence is sacrificed to the togetherness of the relationship. Our partner's imperfections, as well as our own, become more apparent as we get to know each other and our real personalities surface. We look for support from him for the imperfections and weaknesses in ourselves which we feel unable to fix.

In the areas where we don't feel so strong, it can be tempting to lean on him and look for validation and acceptance. We quickly learn how far we can push him before we incur his disapproval. Generally we expect him to act as our friend, lover and therapist all in one. This can be a recipe for disaster, especially if he has his own issues.

Life can be difficult at times and it's easy to get carried away with our problems. These may be nothing to do with him or we may blame him for what we perceive is wrong in our relationship. As the initial perfection wears thin, and we start to feel more comfortable to show our true selves, we will often unburden our negativity onto him. If these are our habitual patterns, it will be difficult not to take it out on him.

Where he allows us to unburden ourself on him regularly, we will probably start to take this for granted. Of course, this also won't be fun for him and the relationship becomes more like work. We stop focussing on the positives and stop giving any positive feedback. When we place the emphasis onto the negatives, we are no longer appreciating the wonderful things about our man and our relationship.

It is unlikely that a man will put up with this indefinitely. If our relationship constantly feels more like work than fun, both partners will feel the strain sooner or later. Negativity has a habit of sending the relationship spiralling downwards as both partners feel misunderstood and unappreciated. Resentment and frustration become the order of the day and lead to anger and pain. The relationship starts to deteriorate as both partners become more distant as a way of coping with this. If nothing changes the relationship eventually breaks apart.

So what can you do if you've noticed the cracks appearing in your relationship and you want to get back on track? Stop leaning so heavily on him and take responsibility for your own happiness. Stop waiting for him to mend it and do something yourself before the regrets set in. Be mature about the real issues and let the rest go.

Stop grumbling and griping and show him some appreciation for the things that are right in your relationship. Inject some of the fun back into your relationship that you had enjoyed originally by arranging a date or a surprise or a special trip out. Don't give your relationship up to negativity. When you make it fun again, he will want to change, if he is capable. Appreciating him will bring him back to you. Fun and appreciation are the keys to creating a strong, loving and close relationship.

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Check out "The Woman Men Adore and Never Want to Leave" by Bob Grant.

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